How Do We Learn to Live with Grief? A Personal Story of Loss, Healing and Childhood Trauma

Watch on Youtube or listen right here.

How do we learn to live with grief?

Is it possible to overcome it?

Could you be living with grief without even realising it?
And what does it actually look like to mourn what we have lost—healthily?

In this episode of Under the Rug, I open up about my earliest experience with grief.

I was just three years old when my older brother passed away—and his death shook my world.

Childhood trauma, along with grief in general, is complex. It touches each of us differently.

My hope is that as we unpack this deeply personal topic, it brings you comfort, perspective, and practical tools for when grief comes knocking—whether in your own life or in the life of someone you love.

Watch on Youtube or listen right here.

My First Experience with Grief

The photo above is of my brother Ashok and I.

He was my best friend—and we loved that wheelbarrow.

Come to think of it, I’ve always had a thing for wheelbarrows.

I remember sitting in one as a child, being pushed around the garden at break-neck speed, thinking it was the best thing ever.

Growing up in Africa meant wandering barefoot, playing with whatever we could find. A piece of wire became a toy car. Stones and twigs became balls and spears. Any little creature that crossed our path—crickets, ants, centipedes—would often become part of our curious mischief.

Life was simple.

We would play for hours until my mom’s voice would call us in for dinner.

And then one day… my brother was gone.

The Impact of a Sudden Loss

After my brother passed away, I remember feeling a deep sense of loneliness.

That is my most prominent memory.

At that age, I didn’t fully understand that he wasn’t coming back.

So I would wait.

I would sit and look out of my bedroom window, wondering when he would return.

Now, as an adult, I can say this with confidence:

Children grieve.

And often, they feel the weight of grief just as deeply as adults do—if not more—because they don’t yet have the tools to process it.

As adults, we must be careful not to become so consumed in our own grief that we overlook what a child may be experiencing.

My parents have shared that, in many ways, having me forced them to get back up again after losing my brother.

I once asked my mom, “How did you recover from the loss of your son?”

She said, “I had to recover for you.”

I’ve always believed that losing a child is one of the deepest forms of grief a person can experience.

If that is your story, I am so deeply sorry.

When Grief Lingers

Grief doesn’t only come through death.

It can come through:

• The loss of a relationship
• A home
• A job
• A lifestyle
• Your health
• A sense of identity or belonging

And sometimes, grief lingers quietly in the background of our lives.

You may feel:

• Disconnected
• Stuck
• Emotionally heavy
• Like a shadow of who you once were

If that’s you, I want to gently challenge you:

Do not allow grief to swallow you to the point where you stop truly living.

Learning to Live Again

In the aftermath of loss, it’s natural to focus on what—or who—is no longer there.

But healing begins when we slowly shift our focus to what is still present.

Just like my parents did.

It’s time to leave the land of the dead…
and begin living in the land of the living.

There are still people in your life who love you.
There is still purpose ahead of you.
There is still life to be lived.

Sometimes what’s in front of you is:

• A friend who shows up
• A roof over your head
• A fresh start you didn’t expect

Even if it feels small—it matters.

My Top 3 Lessons on Grief and Healing

1. Grief Helps You Process—Not Stay Stuck

Grief is designed to help you come to terms with a new reality.

It is not designed for you to set up camp there.

Will you ever fully “get over” the loss of a loved one?

No.

But over time, the weight softens—and you learn to carry it differently.

For me, things like playing piano helped pull me through as a child.
And later, the birth of my younger siblings brought healing in unexpected ways.

2. You Are Meant to Live Again

There is a time to mourn.

But there is also a time to rise.

There will be moments—birthdays, anniversaries—where grief feels close again.

That’s natural.

But even in those moments, life is still calling you forward.

3. Hold Onto the Joy

For me, healing often comes back to simple memories.

The wheelbarrow moments.
The laughter.
The mischief.

Grief and gratitude can exist together.

And sometimes, remembering the joy is what helps you keep going.

The Role of Identity in Healing

One of the most overlooked effects of grief is how it shapes your identity.

Loss can quietly influence how you see yourself, your future, and your place in the world.

For all the ladies reading this, if you’ve experienced deep grief or trauma, there’s a chance it has impacted you more than you realise.

✨ This is why I created Unlock Your True Identity.

A transformational journey designed to help you:

• Process emotional pain
• Break limiting beliefs
• Rebuild your sense of self
• Step forward with clarity and strength

👉 https://www.nalinitranquim.com/uytiwe-optin-program-overview 

This is for any woman—who is ready to heal from the inside out.

A Simple Moment to Release

If you’ve been carrying grief, take a moment now:

Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath in.
And as you exhale… let it go.

You may feel emotion rise—and that’s okay.

Why not pray the following prayer out loud:

'Dear Jesus, I declare today that my mourning has come to an end. Whilst I will never forget, I choose to live in the land of the living. Strengthen me, and fill me with renewed hope for tomorrow, through the power of Your Spirit, I pray. In Jesus Name, amen.'

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If anything in this story has resonated with you, please don’t walk it alone.

🎧 Listen to: Unpacking Grief & Childhood Trauma
🎧 Also explore: Navigating Grief with my mom

If you need immediate support, please reach out to your local crisis services.

Watch on Youtube or listen right here.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If anything in this story has resonated with you, please don’t walk it alone.

🎧 Listen to: Unpacking Grief & Childhood Trauma
🎧 Also explore: ‘Navigating Grief’ with my mom

If you need immediate support, please reach out to your local crisis services.

If you have been impacted by anything discussed in this series, please seek help. Do not face it alone. 

For crisis support or suicide prevention: 

AUS - Lifeline 13 11 14 

UK - National Suicide Prevention Helpline 0800 689 5652 

USA - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255