identity sexual orientation sexuality Jan 05, 2024

Watch my interview with Matthew Grech on Youtube or listen here



Google Trends Data from between 2004 and 2023 has revealed a significant rise in queries relating to sexual orientation and gender identity with searches surging over 1300%.


Are these numbers proving a desperate need for answers in relation to one's sexuality and gender alone, or is there a far deeper cry for answers pertaining to one's identity as a whole? Who am I underneath it all?


I want to make clear from the get-go that whilst I may be a Christian heterosexual, some of my dearest friends are of a diverse range of sexualities. I do not agree with conversion therapy or conversion camp, and it breaks my heart the damage and confusion caused to so many as a result.

My dear friend and author Allison Zimmerman, who's son wrestled with his sexuality and eventually came out as gay, writes in her book 'Parenting the Rainbow', a simple yet profound statement:

'What we need in this day and age is CONVERSATION camp.'

Too often I am seeing the demise of relationships and the break-up of the family unit because of an inability to converse on these matters. Is it not possible to rise above the severing or distancing of relationships just because of diametrically opposing beliefs?


When I was little


Growing up in Africa in the 80's, there was no question as to one's gender identity.

Girls were girls and boys were boys.

In fact, I remember quite clearly when we were just kids, my best friend and I raided his mom's walk-in-wardrobe. It was like heaven on earth filled to the brim with gowns galore, heels and jewellery that left us drooling. We were having an absolute ball of a time until my friend's mom walked in and saw him wearing her high-heels whilst twirling in front of the mirror. She landed into him with no uncertain terms. We both got changed and never stepped foot into her wardrobe again. We also never talked about it after that moment.

There was a time when one of my boys decided to plaster his face with lipstick. I told him to wash it off as boys don't wear lipstick and that was that. No questions asked, no further discussions about it.

But for some, whilst the matter may be shut-down swiftly, there is an internal struggle that is simply silenced. Shame attaches itself and distance becomes prevalent. Is it possible that one's reaction reflects rejection, ceasing conversation? Is this how it should be?


Coming out


In 'Parenting the Rainbow', Allison Zimmerman writes the following:

'When a child comes out as gay in today's society, there is much acceptance from the world or their peers, but what about the people they grew up with? Their choices challenge the ideals we have instilled in them of manhood, womanhood, traditional nuclear families. Salvation is contested. Cultural Christian norms are called into question... Can our present-day understanding handle the incongruence of how we wish things were versus how they seem to be?'

The matter of sexual identity which is so relevant to the times and culture we find ourselves in, has weighed heavy on my heart for some time. When you google 'Am I gay', you are hit with a myriad of contrasting voices and opinions. How on earth the internet brings any form of clarity when wrestling with such a life-defining issue, I shall never know.

In S3E1 of Under the Rug, I confront the question 'Am I defined by my sexuality?' I believe this is a question on the lips of many right now.

In this episode, you will hear from Music Producer Matthew Grech as he shares his own personal story of how he grappled with his sexuality and identity as a whole from a very young age.

This is one man's story. What he shares may be uncomfortable to hear. His outcome may not be the same as yours or that of a loved one.

The purpose of uncovering this topic is to highlight that one's sexuality and gender is only a small part of one's identity. Society certainly likes to put the spotlight on this particular area of who we are, yet we are so much more.

Matthew's story reveals humankind's innate desire to understand one's own unique blueprint coupled with a deep longing to love, be loved and to find fulfillment.

Regardless of who you are or where you stand in relation to sexual orientation and gender identity, it is my hope and prayer that we can rise above the severing or distancing of relationships just because of diametrically opposing beliefs.

'Higher than a desire to agree is the power of love, where we can love and want the best for the other, even if we do not subscribe to the course taken. Open dialogue and communication, devoid of judgement and condemnation, might be our higher aim. To walk in love, making space for differing opinions, even if we never land on the same page.'

- Allison Zimmerman, Parenting the Rainbow


Watch my interview with Matthew Grech on Youtube or listen here


In closing


To the loved ones of those who have come out, I will say this:

You are a 'loved one.' Therefore, do not allow rejection to replace relationship. Come to terms and deal with the news in your own time. Yes it may not be what you had envisioned for their life, but we all have freewill. They have the right to decide what they want for their future and their decisions are outside of your control. What you can control is your response. Choose love.

You'd never return to a restaurant where the staff treated you badly. The same applies here.


'It is OK for us to think and feel differently than our kids. We will. We do. But our goal is to come to a place where love covers, where we find what we agree on and go with that. If we operate on the basis that disagreement means division, we will be fractured and shattered.

We are not whole if the places where we don't agree divide us. Surely our family means more to us than the need to think and feel the same way!

There are so many places we do not see eye to eye, is this the one that might cause us to throw our kids away? May it not be so!

Our child walking away is one thing, us driving them away, that is another entirely.'

- Allison Zimmerman, Parenting the Rainbow


Watch my interview with Matthew Grech on Youtube or listen here



For parents of children under the age of five, subscribe to get first dibs on my upcoming interview with Mama Bear Apologetics.


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